How I feel inside.

Im sat here in a confrence listening to all my friends talk, I dont feel apart of it anymore, I dont feel i want to be here anymore.

I found out a this week one of my friends hung himself, my heart sank. Im here in the states and cant do nothing about it. Theres more to it everyday I listen to my thoughts, the thoughts I cannot express cos Im always wrong. Life sucks when noone cares about your thoughts. My hubby just messaged me I sent something naughty he said send pics or fuck off, does this person really love me or am I just a peice of meat to play with and drop whenever he wants?

Is this where Im supposed to be in life??? Am I supposed to feel this way day in day out?? Would you miss me if I left? Would you cry if I took my own life like my mind keeps telling me to do everyday to make everyone happy?

I sit and wonder what if everyday. Some people may think this is just a girl trying to cause drama but Im not Im crying out and hoping someone hears me hoping someone catches me before I fall :-(

PEACE!!